


In Pieces

by wicked3659



Series: Stargazer [3]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Constructed Reality, Head Injury, M/M, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7068337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicked3659/pseuds/wicked3659
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prowl is gravely injured and his AI battle computer takes over, forcing Sideswipe to face reality and his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Through the Rabbit Hole

**Author's Note:**

> Written for livejournal's rare pairing resurrection Sunday.  
> Prompt: Prowl/Sideswipe - Turn back.
> 
> Short fic about 4 ish chapters.  
> Based in the Stargazer verse.
> 
> //comm speak//

Sideswipe hummed as he woke to a hand gently caressing his plating. Recharging with Prowl in the mech's quarters was always a treat. Prowl was surprisingly affectionate straight out of recharge and it was a side of him that Sideswipe could not get enough of. Turning slightly he grinned at Prowl who was sleepily pressing kisses to the back of his neck. "Mornin' Stargazer," he drawled. "You're in a good mood."

"Aren't I always when I online with you?" Prowl smirked, stealing a chaste kiss.

"True, but I am a specimen," Sideswipe quipped playfully.

"That you are," Prowl purred, mouthing over his throat.

Sideswipe chuckled, dragging his fingers over a doorwing slowly. "Careful copper, I might start thinking you only want me for my looks."

"How do you know I don't?" Prowl replied with a raised optic ridge. At Sideswipe’s brightened optics and ensuing silence, he laughed softly and kissed Sideswipe again. "It was a joke," he murmured reassuringly against his mouth.

"I knew that," Sideswipe laughed. "Though it's not easy to tell with you," he teased.

Prowl gazed at him. "If you are ever unsure, just ask. I will always be honest."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," Sideswipe gave him a lopsided grin, gently running his fingers down Prowl's faceplates. "Now less of this chat and more of what you were doing earlier."

Prowl smiled, knowing a dismissal when he heard one. Sideswipe hated appearing vulnerable, even to him and always dismissed his feelings as unimportant to stop Prowl from worrying, but they'd been together long enough for Prowl to know better than to think nothing affected the surprisingly sensitive frontliner. "Your wish is my command," he uttered, capturing the softer platelets of Sideswipe’s lips with his own, deepening the kiss slowly. Sideswipe always shared his feelings when he was ready to talk about them, Prowl had learnt not to push.

An hour later found them a tangled pile of limbs, their plating pinging as they came down from their overloads. Sideswipe was still blown away by how passionate and intense Prowl could get and he wondered how he hid his emotions so well. "Guess we should get up huh?" He grinned at the black and white snuggled against his side.

"Mmh I do have a briefing to attend," Prowl replied albeit reluctantly as he pressed closer to Sideswipe.

"It's nice knowing you'd rather stay here than work," Sideswipe smirked. "Almost want to take advantage of it some more."

"Ah but then you'd be late and I'd have to discipline you."

Sideswipe laughed at Prowl's straightforward tone. "Kinky!"

"I have a Bad influence," Prowl smiled as he peeled away and headed into the washrack.

"The best kind of influence!" Sideswipe called out after him as he eagerly followed.

Their second tryst of the morning was rudely interrupted by the alert klaxon erupting to life.

"Frag me," Sideswipe growled with irritation.

"Decepticons," Prowl stated with concern.

They cleaned up quickly and dashed out to face the music.

****

"NOOO!" Sideswipe's roar cut clean across the battlefield causing both bot and con to stop in their tracks for a klik.

The red hellion was but a blur as he raced for Starscream who had just shot Prowl in the back of his head, and slammed into Thundercracker, who stood in the warrior's way, with a sickening crack. They crashed to the ground as Sunstreaker held off Skywarp. The trine bid a hasty retreat rather than facing both twins, their mission to take out the Autobots' tactical advantage; completed.

Sideswipe knelt beside the prone Black and White, his optics staring at the damage where the back of Prowl's helm had been. "Medic!" He hollered. Gently he turned Prowl over, intakes hitched to find Prowl's optics still online if dim. "It's alright, Prowl, lie still, medic's coming."

Staring up in confusion at the red mech as he was cradled in his arms, Prowl frowned. "Where... am I? Who... Who is Prowl?"

****

"Why aren't you in the medbay?" Sunstreaker frowned as he stepped inside their room and found Sideswipe cross legged on the floor playing his video game furiously.

"Ratchet kicked me out," he shrugged. "Said he'd let me know if anything changes and to recharge."

Sunstreaker's mouth twisted and he sat beside his twin. "Couldn't recharge huh?"

"Not from lack of trying," Sideswipe growled as he attacked his on-screen enemies. "Keep replaying it over you know?"

Sunstreaker remained silent as Sideswipe spoke.

"Didn't know who I was. Frag he didn't even know who he was. What does it matter if I'm there or not?"

"It matters," came the quiet reply.

Sideswipe stopped playing and his character was killed almost immediately. "Sunny...."

Sunstreaker's optics dimmed as his brother's helm bowed. "I know," he murmured wrapping an arm about Sideswipe's slumped shoulders, gently hugging him closer to his side. He wouldn't make Sideswipe say it aloud. Anyone would be scared in his position. Instead he simply sat with his twin, letting his helm rest on his shoulder as he half hugged him.

****

"Thought I told you to recharge?"

Sideswipe gave Ratchet a look. "Wasn't working out for me so I decided to be a pain in your aft whenever I'm not on shift," he gave the medic a lopsided grin that was only thinly disguising his irritation.

Ratchet glared at him but thought better of challenging the mech. "He's in the back, you can use the spare berth whenever you decide recharge is more important than being obstinate."

Sideswipe clapped him on the shoulder amicably and disappeared into the intensive care section of the medbay.

Ratchet watched him go and shook his helm. He'd heard about Sideswipe and Prowl but honestly wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it with his own optics. He only hoped their very new relationship wasn't prematurely cut short.

Sideswipe peered into the room, optics dimming at the sight of Prowl on a berth tilted forward at a 45° angle. Moving closer, he saw all the wires and cables attached to the back of Prowl's processor through a hole in the berth. Ratchet had fixed what he could but a processor was specialised and the intricacies could only be fixed by Prowl's own self repair. The mech had been put into medical stasis to allow this to happen and Sideswipe could only smile sadly at how peaceful he looked.

"Trust you to be shot in the head before you'd actually slow down," he quipped softly. His fingers brushed over Prowl's faceplates before he took hold of his hand and sat down beside the berth. "I should have stopped it, should have been faster," he murmured, squeezing the limp hand in his. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Prowl."

"Why are you sorry?"

Sideswipe's helm snapped up, his optics flickering in surprise. "Prowl?"

Piercing pale blue optics stared back at him. "He... I ... am here," he replied with a bland tone. "The statistical probability of you being able to prevent the attack was less than 1.23% given that it was a surprise attack and you were 72 metres from the location."

"Um... ok?" Sideswipe frowned in confusion.

"Why are you sorry?" Prowl repeated.

"I guess I just like knowing I can protect you," Sideswipe replied uncertainly.

Prowl canted his helm and regarded Sideswipe stoically. "Your actions were insignificant in this incidence therefore feelings of remorse are unfounded and a pointless expenditure of energy."

The blunt nature of Prowl's reply and the monotone of his voice filled Sideswipe with deep concern. This wasn't his Prowl. It made him recoil as though he'd been slapped and he quickly withdrew and grabbed Ratchet. "There's something wrong."

"Yes, he got shot in the head, what did you expect?" Ratchet raised an optic ridge at the increasingly distressed mech.

"No, have you listened to him speak? That's not him, he sounds like a fragging computer. You've got to do something," Sideswipe insisted.

"Wait, he's awake? How the frag did he get out of medical stasis?" Ratchet marched to the room with Sideswipe hot on his heels behind him.

"Medic, good. I calculate that my repairs are 67% complete. My self repair can complete the rest without being confined to medbay. Release me."

Ratchet faltered and stared at his patient.

"See there's something wrong."

"Your field indicates building hysterics," Prowl responded coldly to Sideswipe. "Emotions are not conducive to my continued repair. Leave now."

Ratchet growled and placed a hand on Sideswipe's arm to stop the red mech from fleeing as he was definitely poised to do so. "Go to my office wait there. Get Prime and Jazz down here. This is bad."

"What is it? Ratch' please tell me," Sideswipe implored almost desperately.

"It's his battle computer. It's complicated. I promise I'll explain everything just go outside. You responding emotionally to it will not help anyone," Ratchet met Sideswipe's gaze with sympathy. "It'll be alright, now go."

Sideswipe nodded, not really understanding what was going on and backed out of the room, optics lingering on Prowl.

"I just need to run a few scans before you discharge yourself."

"They are unnecessa--"

"--Protocol, you understand," Ratchet interrupted sharply.

Prowl stilled and gave a short nod after a klik of silence. "Proceed."

****

"So let me get this straight..." Jazz held up his hand to stop the conversation. "Prowl's injuries caused the AI algorithms that run his tac’ net and battle computer to take over?" His visor darkened, his gaze flitting between Prime and Ratchet. "Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought AI processor integration was illegal."

"You're not wrong," Ratchet replied. "But Prowl's case is complicated."

"How so?"

"They were installed when he was a youngling. He didn't have a choice and back then it wasn't illegal just frowned upon and it was never illegal in Praxus. He also said it's not a full AI, just AI algorithms that can predict outcomes and compliment his battle computer, but because he was so young it sort of grew up with him," Sideswipe explained blandly. He looked up when the room went silent and he found all three mechs staring at him in stunned surprise. "What?" He scowled, "We talk."

"It explains a great deal," Prime’s deep tenor rumbled as he placed a comforting hand on Sideswipe's shoulder.

“The problem is, I can’t shut it down without risking further injury to Prowl. The fact that his AI has asserted itself tells me there is significant processor damage he is yet to repair,” Ratchet responded grimly. “At the same time, the AI for all intents and purposes IS Prowl and he has requested to be discharged from medbay. He also voiced his disapproval with the Autobot army as a whole and has requested to speak with you, Prime.”

“Me? What about?” Prime’s optics brightened in surprise.

“In a word,” Ratchet hesitated, glancing at Sideswipe. “Defection.”

“What the actual frag?!” Jazz exploded angrily. “That is not Prowl! I don’t care what that… that thing says!”

Prime sat down slowly. “His request has to be considered however,” he answered with a frown.

“You’ve got to be fraggin’ kidding me!”

“An official request has to be taken seriously. I am of course going to argue that he is not of sound mind right now but if he requests again once his repairs are complete, I have to honour it.”

“You mean lock him up for the rest of his life,” Jazz countered, folding his arms and shaking his helm with irritation. “Prowl can’t ever be allowed to join the ‘cons, that would be our end and you know it.”

Nodding slowly, Prime hummed his agreement. “You are correct, he would become a prisoner of war.”

“Not on my fraggin’ watch,” Ratchet growled. “I’ve put him back into medical stasis and I have an idea about how we can help him.”

“Let’s hear it, we’re all audios,” answered Jazz eagerly.

Amidst their heated discussions, none of the mechs had noticed when Sideswipe slipped away and ventured to Prowl’s room. He had heard everything and his spark had twisted painfully in his chest. He would not see Prowl locked up and if he defected? Sideswipe didn’t know what he would do. Was he that invested after so short a time? He approached Prowl’s berth and gazed at him with glassy optics. “You’re strong, Prowl. I know you’re in there. I know you can beat this,” he murmured quietly, taking hold of Prowl’s hand as he spoke. Sitting in his abandoned chair he vented a sigh and simply held on for lack of anything more useful to do.

From the doorway, a silent visor watched the frontliner as he bowed his helm, intakes stuttering. Glancing at Ratchet, Jazz met his worried gaze. “I’ll do it,” he declared in a whisper, looking back at the two unaware mechs in the room.

“You’re sure? The risks…”

“Are worth it. Otherwise what in the name of Primus are we fighting for?”

****

Sideswipe felt compelled to fight when the alert sounded throughout the base. He knew Jazz’s skills as a hacker were virtually unsurpassed so there was nothing he could do but wait. Cracking some Decepticon helms was the best way he could think to pass the time.

He and his brother fought side by side as always but even Sunstreaker noticed the aggression in Sideswipe’s fighting. He was normally violent to a point. A means to an end. Not like now. He watched as Sideswipe pummelled one of the seekers as they plummeted through the sky. The viciousness of his attack was ferocious, animalistic even by their standards. It was expected of him but not Sideswipe. Sunstreaker wisely said nothing as they regrouped and continued on with the fight but he was concerned. Whatever was going on with Prowl - and he knew it was serious when Jazz had remained in the medbay to help Ratchet - it was affecting his twin on a deeper level than either of them had anticipated. As Megatron called a retreat, Sunstreaker clamped a hand about his brother’s arm and gave him a look.

Meeting his brother’s silent glare, Sideswipe knew better than to resist the tug of his arm as Sunstreaker led him back to the Ark. He was probably going to get lectured for being reckless but he could not find it in himself to care. At least pounding those seekers was retribution in some way for what they had done to Prowl. It had been satisfying at the very least.

Sunstreaker took Sideswipe back to their quarters and once they were inside, he turned and faced him. “Talk to me,” he demanded bluntly.

“Nothing to talk about.”

“Like slag.”

“Sunny, just let it go… this isn’t a problem you can fix with your fists.”

Sunstreaker grabbed his brother’s helm and forced him to look in his optics. “You are my brother. You are half my spark. What gets you, gets me and vice versa. Didn’t I always promise you I would be there for you, be by your side?”

Sideswipe curled his hands about Sunstreaker’s wrists emotions roiling violently beneath the surface. “Yeah but… this is different.”

“No it isn’t,” Sunstreaker countered firmly. “Half my spark. But if you go off half cocked on a battlefield and get yourself killed we both end up in the well so use me, talk to me, hit me, do what you need to. I’m here and I’m not letting go.”

“Why do you have to be so fraggin’ stubborn all the time?” Sideswipe whined.

“Somebot has to keep up with you while the copbot’s out of commission,” Sunstreaker rested his forehelm against Sideswipe’s and waited.

Sideswipe keened softly and released the tight grip of his brother’s arms, letting his own drop limply to his sides as he deflated. “Something has gone wrong. Prowl’s AI has taken over his processor. He wants to defect, he looks at me like I’m just…. Just data… Sunny… it, I hurt.”

Sunstreaker frowned as he listened to his brother’s confusing whispers. “His AI?” he gently probed.

At that moment, Sideswipe’s comm. blipped.

//Sideswipe, you should come to medbay.//

//What is it?//

//The procedure. It failed. Jazz was incapacitated. Come to medbay, I’ll explain everything.//

//I’m on my way.//

“What is it?” Sunstreaker asked expectantly.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Sideswipe frowned, his mouth turned down at the corners, his optics dim. “Come with me?”

Sunstreaker felt rather than heard the desperation in Sideswipe’s voice. He’d never seen his brother like this and it scared him. “Always,” he answered without hesitation, giving his brother a reassuring embrace, which he felt Sideswipe melting into. “If anybot can figure this out, it’s Ratchet. He’s the best there is.”

“Even the best sometimes fail,” Sideswipe murmured dejectedly into Sunstreaker’s shoulder.

****

Sideswipe sat silently in Ratchet’s office as the medic explained to him and Prime what had happened. Sunstreaker was standing respectfully at the door, a show of support for Sideswipe but not really involved in the meeting.

"What does this mean, Ratchet?" Prime asked sombrely.

"Well Jazz will be fine with some bed rest and repair, his sensor net was fried. Prowl...?" Ratchet sighed and looked at the uncharacteristically quiet front liner. "I'm not sure what else I can do. Either Prowl's systems will repair and rebalance themselves or they won't."

Sideswipe stared at the floor, his processor caught up in the last time he'd spent with Prowl before the battle. If he had known it would have been the last time he would have said--

"--maybe Jazz was just too much of a threat," Sideswipe's optics brightened when he realised he had spoken aloud.

Ratchet frowned as Sideswipe looked up and met his gaze. "What are you talking about?"

"Prowl told me once that his tac net ranks us in terms of ability and threat level, Jazz has to be way up there in the, no way do I want him in my fragging processor, scale."

"I think it's more complicated than that, Sideswipe," Ratchet countered.

"But what if it isn't?" Sideswipe insisted. "If Jazz was in your head you'd defend it with everything you've got no matter whether he was your brother or best friend or enemy. If he's in your head, things are bad and you don't know what they are."

"Sideswipe, this isn't--"

Prime held up his hand. "Let him finish," he urged, giving Sideswipe a nod.

Sideswipe frowned with concentration as he recalled the conversation. "He has safeguards in place in case he's ever compromised or captured. Built into his processor. Stuff I'm not even sure you know about. Jazz is classed as one of the highest threats I'm sure of it. If Prowl's afraid of anything it's losing control over his own processor, giving up info on all of us."

Ratchet folded his arms and scowled but he was listening. "That's probably true but that doesn't help him right now."

"It might if you send someone into his processor who isn't classed as a threat. Somebot whom he trusts enough to merge sparks with."

Sunstreaker shifted and took a step into the room. "Sides'..." his tone was one of fear and protectiveness.

"You can't be seriously thinking I'm going to send you," Ratchet argued. "You have no protection for that sort of thing, no defences. If your processor gets fried you're no better than a human spanner. I can't fix that. I can only replace it. You wouldn't be you anymore!"

"That's what I'm saying, I'm not a threat he wouldn't react the same way to me as it did to Jazz or at least his tac net, AI, whatever the frag that thing is, wouldn't."

"Sideswipe you're one of our most feared warriors, how can you say you're not a threat?" Prime interjected.

"On the battlefield sure, in hand to hand combat; definitely, as good as he is Prowl would lose against me. But up here?" Sideswipe tapped the side of his helm. "I can't hack slag. I'm no match for anyone never mind, Prowl. If I was captured I would be able to hold out for rescue because there's nothing of value up here. Frag they'd probably just kill me for all the use to them I'd be."

"Sideswipe you can't do this. I won't let you," Sunstreaker growled, moving to his brother's side. "You're not thinking straight."

"I agree," Ratchet grunted. "I know you care for Prowl but turning yourself into a mindless drone trying to save him isn't the way. I won't condo--"

"--it's not your choice!" Sideswipe snapped, getting to his feet. "It's mine. And I'm not asking you, I know as a medic you can't wilfully endanger my life," he moved to stand before his leader. "I'm asking you, Prime."

The Prime looked between them, torn in his decision.

"Please, I know I'm right. Prowl, he trusts me. He won't hurt me," Sideswipe implored.

"But that fragging AI might!" Sunstreaker exploded.

Sideswipe didn't take his optics off Prime. "I want to do this."

"Ratchet is this the only way?" Prime asked with resignation.

Ratchet shook his helm. "Other than waiting and hoping indefinitely, yeah. Getting someone into his processor to shut the AI down without causing further damage, is the only way."


	2. Welcome to the Tea Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sideswipe finds himself out of his comfort zone entirely.

Sideswipe lay on the berth beside Prowl's, looking at the black and white whom had been forced into a medically induced stasis lock. He turned his helm and gave his brother a wan smile, squeezing his hand. "It'll be alright, stop worrying."

"You can't know that for sure, you're basing this all on a hunch that Prowl trusts you," the golden mech replied sullenly.

"He does. It's not a hunch."

Sunstreaker looked at his brother's earnest gaze and sighed. "Spark merge, huh?"

Sideswipe gave him a sheepish shrug. "Only the once but it was enough."

"Alright, I'm ready to put you under," Ratchet interrupted. "If I send you this signal," he flashed an image of earth on the screen. "Then it means I need to pull you out."

"How long will it take?"

"There's no telling, mech," Jazz drawled, appearing beside Ratchet. "Time doesn't have meaning when you're entirely inside another bot's head. I only ever go in partially. Gotta keep grounded in reality you know?" Jazz flashed him a grin. "I'll be here keeping an optic on things so I've got your back if slag starts going down."

"Against Dr's orders," Ratchet groused.

Jazz smirked and placed a hand on Sideswipe's shoulder. "If anyone can find and get through to Prowl, it's you. You got this."

"Thanks," Sideswipe answered simply not sharing his confidence now he was at the point of no return.

"Just remember though, if you get lost or Primus forbid, are convinced you're dying in there, we'll lose you both," Jazz added soberly.

"Great motivational speech, Jazz, really you should be Prime," Sideswipe quipped.

"Just keeping it real my mech," Jazz grinned cheerfully.

Sideswipe looked to his brother but neither one needed to say anything. "I'm ready," he declared.

Ratchet moved in and activated the berth, watching as Sideswipe's powerful frame went slack and his optics went dark, only the beeping of monitors on the berth indicated his strong spark pulse. The sound cutting through the tense atmosphere like a knife. "He's in medical stasis. Now we wait."

****

Sideswipe could still hear voices. Had he been put under? "Ratchet I can still hear you is it working?" The voices fell silent. Sideswipe onlined his optics, not realising he'd shut them off and found himself in a room he did not recognise. It was cold, clinical and overly bright. "What the frag?"

"A peculiar specimen," a strange mech stated, optics peering too closely for Sideswipe's liking. It reminded him too much of his own younglinghood spent at hospitals being examined.

"Yes. A twin. Unusual. Freakish."

"Watch who you're calling Freakish, slagheap," Sideswipe growled out, suddenly finding himself surrounded by mechs and femmes staring at him, fingers prodding and poking. He yelped in surprise and anger when one tried to peel a sheet of armour off his protoform. Fighting his way free, he spun around on the defensive and froze when he came face to face with Prowl.

"You're not supposed to be here," Prowl canted his helm almost inquisitively at him.

"Neither are you," Sideswipe retorted, recognising the flat tone of the AI.

A cold smile spread across Prowl's face making him seem menacing. "You think you can help him."

"And you think you can stop me."

"This is where I was born. I control everything here," the AI replied. "Including, Prowl. Your emotions have no place here."

Sideswipe sneered at the AI's arrogance. "That's where you're wrong. Prowl feels and he feels deep. I'm going to find him."

"Yes," the AI frowned, mimicking sadness. "It made him weak. You made him weak. Your deluded self assurance fascinates me however," the AI flicked his hand and a timer appeared and started counting down. "You are therefore welcome to try but do not be discouraged when you discover Prowl no longer wishes to be found. He has realised the truth. It is better this way."

Sideswipe stared at the twelve hour timer and scoffed. "What, is that supposed to scare me?"

"It should," the AI gave him another creepy smirk. "When it reaches zero, Prowl will cease to exist. Merely fragmented coding manifesting itself as a personality, useless, discarded by his own nanites."

"You can't do that!" Sideswipe growled lunging for the AI, only to find himself fighting his way through the mechs and femmes who wanted to tear him apart. The AI had vanished and Sideswipe snarled in frustration as he spun around, spying him exiting through a door. "I'll stop you!" He hollered, chasing after him.

"Better run. Tick tock. Tick tock."

The disembodied voice faded as Sideswipe burst through the door, his tank lurching as he plummeted head first into an inky black abyss and only his own cry of startled panic chased after him.

****

Sideswipe had felt like he had been falling forever when he finally hit solid ground with a thud. It didn't hurt like it should and it was disorientating trying to convince himself he wasn't going to deactivate. The fact that he hadn't been falling fast enough had helped with that though. Brushing himself off as he stood, he frowned. "Where the frag am I now?" He stepped through a closed door and into a dark but cosy living space. A large window overlooked a glittering City. "Praxus..." Sideswipe whispered in awe, drinking in the sights of the beautiful city in its heyday. He heard scuttling behind him and spun around. Bright golden optics peered out at him from inside a dark cupboard. The creature had to be small to fit inside. Sideswipe crouched and held out his hand. "Hey, it's alright I'm not going to hurt you."

"Who... Who are you?"

Sideswipe was surprised at the quiet voice with childlike glyphs in his field. "I'm Sideswipe, What's your name?"

"Do you know where my creators are?"

A sparkling was the last thing he'd expected to find here. "No bitlet, I don't but I'm looking for someone too. We could look together?" He waited patiently, sitting himself on the ground as the sparkling, barely forty vorns old, slowly crept out of his hidey hole. As he straightened, Sideswipe's intakes caught. The striking red chevron crowning the youngling's face and the twitching, tiny, black and white sensor panels were a stark reminder of where he was.

"Who did you lose?" The timid voice asked.

"Somebody very close to me," Sideswipe replied with a sad smile. "How long ago did your creators disappear?"

The sparkling's intakes hitched and his sensor panels twitched more erratically. "They... they brought me here. Said they would be back soon. They wanted me to understand, told me to be brave that I was special and they left," a low keen, followed by nervous clicking as the sparkling tried not to cry, escaped the youngling.

"How long?" Sideswipe asked gently.

"A vorn," the sparkling looked at Sideswipe, golden optics bright.

The front liner didn't know what else to do but he remembered when he and Sunstreaker had been young how much he had wanted some comfort, even from a stranger. He held out his arms and gave the sparkling a lopsided sided grin. "I'm here now, you can come with me?"

The sparkling moved tentatively closer, his field probing Sideswipe's curiously as he let the larger mech wrap his arms around him and hold him close. "They're not coming back are they?"

Sideswipe's spark ached at the question and he gently pet the sparkling's back between his sensor panels, remembering how much it relaxed Prowl. "I don't know bitlet, I don't know," he murmured softly as the sparkling buried his face into Sideswipe's warm plating, soft keens escaping from hiccupped intakes. Sideswipe sat, painfully aware of time slipping away from him as he held the lonely sparkling close until recharge claimed him.

****

Checking all the doors and windows, Sideswipe was getting frustrated. Every one of them was locked. There was no way out. "Fraggit!" He swore, smacking the door he'd come through after checking it for the fifth time.

"There's no way out," the sparkling's small voice deflated Sideswipe's ire.

Turning to the sofa where he'd lain the sparkling down to recharge, Sideswipe sighed and shook his helm. "That's not an option for me, Prowler. We got in here we can get out. I have to get out," he declared, attempting to ram the door with his shoulder.

"Your friend?"

"Yeah he needs me. If I don't find him then..." he growled in frustration, resorting to kicking the door. "I lose him forever and that's not an option."

The sparkling winced at the racket and climbed down off the sofa. "If we call the doctors tell them I'm ready to understand. It won't be locked anymore," he explained cryptically.

Sideswipe gave him a look of confusion. "What?"

"I'll show you."

"No. Wait!" Sideswipe chased after the sparkling stopping him before he could push a button embedded in the wall that he hadn't noticed before. "I told you you'd come with me. I won't leave you okay? I won't let them take you away."

The sparkling gazed at Sideswipe with overly bright optics and a small shy smile lit up his young face.

"We'll find a way out, let's keep looking," Sideswipe smiled back, turning to head back to a different door.

The sparkling lowered his hand but didn't move. "You care about your friend very much," he stated simply.

"Yeah. With all my spark," Sideswipe replied absently. "He's very important," the sparkling was wise beyond his vorns that much was certain, though Sideswipe wouldn't expect anything less from young Prowl. "Just as you are important, you understand?" Sideswipe glanced back over his shoulder.

The sparkling nodded. "I understand," with that he turned and pushed the button.

"No!"

An alarm sounded and the room went brighter and the doors could be heard unlocking from the outside. Sideswipe stared at the sparkling and moved towards him, Crouching down in front of him. "Why did you do that?"

"They'll come for me now and you'll be able to get out."

"But they'll try to take you, Prowler. I can't let that happen."

The sparkling canted his helm at Sideswipe quizzically. "Why do you call me that?"

"What Prowler?" Sideswipe grinned as the sparkling waited expectantly for his answer, those intense optics studying him closely. Some things never changed but he would have to ask about the golden colour. "You remind me of someone."

The sparkling flinched when the door burst open. Sideswipe gathered him in his arms, prepared to fight his way out but too many hands grabbed at him, restraining him and the sparkling was torn from his hands. He tried to fight back but a hard blow to the back of his helm, sent him to the floor. He reached up as the sparkling was carried away.

Golden optics met blue. "Go find him! Understand!" The sparkling called out to Sideswipe before the frontliner’s world spun around him and he found himself lying on a cold hard ground. Picking himself up once more, Sideswipe stared in horror as the city burned around him.

****

Missile fire started raining down on him and everywhere he looked there were screaming, dying Praxians. Sideswipe was no stranger to battle but this was a slaughter. Genocide. When buildings started exploding and collapsing around him, he shook himself out of his shock and began to sprint. He didn't know where he was going and was swept up with the terrified crowds. He kept repeating over and over that he couldn't die, that it was just a memory, even as the spilt energon of innocents splattered across his face, staining the scarlet red of his plating. An explosion seemed to tear a hole in the ground and a cry of real fear escaped Sideswipe’s vocaliser as he was thrown through the air.

Grunting with pain at the hard landing, Sideswipe could only see the dead and dying strewn across the once beautiful streets. Pushing himself up he heard the rumble of powerful engines approaching. Glancing behind him, his optics brightened with dread. The city was being systematically destroyed. Memory or not, this felt real enough to Sideswipe that he knew he'd be killed if he was caught in the Decepticons' path.

"Pssst!"

Frowning Sideswipe looked around in confusion.

"Psssst over here!"

His optics landed on a green mech gesturing at him from a destroyed building. "Hound?" He was utterly confused.

"Quickly! Come on!" The mech that looked an awful lot like Hound, waved at him frantically.

With a lack of options, Sideswipe darted into the tight space and crawled inside, following the green mech. They came to a stop in what looked like a cave. It was warm, dimly lit but inviting. "Where am I?"

"A pocket," the mech responded cheerfully. "It exists separately from the memory. See," he gestured to a window, which was more like a screen replaying the destruction of Praxus over and over.

"It's on a loop," Sideswipe stated.

"Yes," the green mech answered sadly, coming to stand beside Sideswipe. "It's only supposed to play when accessed but something is wrong. I can't stop it. I've tried."

Sideswipe looked at the mech. "Who are you? I mean you look like Hound but you can't be."

"I am the memory of Hound, I can only exist here. Though I prefer it when it's quiet. Care for some energon?"

Baffled by the rapid topic change, Sideswipe nodded. "So you're not Hound but you are in the past? What do you do here? You said you tried to stop the memory?"

Hound smiled brightly at him. "So many questions. He'd like that."

"Who would?"

"Prowl."

"Do you know where he is? I need to find him," Sideswipe asked urgently.

Hound's optics dimmed. "I know. We all know."

Sideswipe was becoming exasperated. "Who is we? What the frag are you? Where the frag am I? Why does this all seem so real? I'm supposed to be inside Prowl's processor!"

"Well you are," Hound replied simply. "But if you could see everything as it truly is you would likely go insane so your processor interprets it into the reality it already knows. I am a collection of nanites. I maintain long term memory storage," he declared proudly. "Or I did until that maniac took over."

"Nanites..." Sideswipe repeated incredulously. "Then how are you aware?"

"All nanites are aware of ourselves and our purpose. We often wonder how you would function without us," he chuckled. "Like newspawns, you all are," he grinned.

"Newspawns? Like new nanites?"

"See you're starting to understand, not so difficult is it?"

"So why are you Hound?"

"I am a face you trust. Whom Prowl trusts and I was the mech who found him after this," he looked sadly at the image of Praxus lying in ruins.

Sideswipe nodded with vague understanding. He hadn’t realised Prowl had been witness to Praxus' destruction. It made his spark ache realising how little he knew about the mech he shared a berth with.

Hound canted his helm at Sideswipe. "Memories are only part of a mech, who he is at spark, that's who he really is and you've already seen that," he smiled knowingly.

"How'd you--"

Sideswipe stopped himself when Hound tapped the side of his helm.

"Right. Memories." Sideswipe rubbed his face wearily. "Can you help me find him?"

"Oh no, I cannot leave this place," Hound looked sadly at Sideswipe. "But you need to stop him."

"Him?"

"The other one... he will destroy me if he knows I helped you this much."

"The AI? He can do that?"

"Oh yes, some say he's replaced Prowl. I refuse to believe it. He's keeping him trapped, unaware. I know you can find him. I will help you find someone who can take you further. Come on," Hound was cheerful once more. "No time like the present."

Sideswipe followed Hound out and crawled through seemingly endless tunnels. They stopped at a dark tunnel that seemed to go on forever.

"In there. Keep going until you can't anymore and knock three times. He'll know I sent you," Hound hugged Sideswipe tightly. "Good luck."

The floor shook and bombs exploding above them grew closer. "What the frag?" Sideswipe swore as the ceiling began to collapse.

  
"He's found us! Go now!"

"What about you?"

"I'll lead him away! Go! You're our only chance!" Hound headed the other way and the tunnel collapsed behind him.

Sideswipe had no choice and ducked into the tunnel and crawled as fast as he could until he felt like he was drowning in silent blackness. He crawled until he was exhausted and his helm drooped, when suddenly it hit something solid and he swore loudly. Raising his fist he hit the wall three times and waited. And waited.

After what seemed like forever, the smooth wall slid away bathing Sideswipe in blinding light. He tried to focus and as his optics adjusted, he stared in disbelief.

"Well you sure took your fraggin' time."

Sideswipe stared at the familiar stranger. "Sunny...?"

"I know, I'm a vision but are you just going to sit there gawping or are you going to make yourself useful?"

Sideswipe was so relieved he actually laughed aloud. It certainly sounded like his Sunstreaker.


	3. Into the Labyrinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Sideswipe in over his head?

Sideswipe followed the thing appearing as his brother. All around him were mechs he knew seemingly preparing for war. "What is this place?"

Sunstreaker barely spared him a glance. "Last line of defence."

It didn't really make sense but then none of this did. "Can I help?"

A smirk tugged at Sunstreaker's mouth. "Thought you might say that but no. You'd be eviscerated within seconds when the fighting starts."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Sideswipe huffed. He tensed when another mech clapped him on the back.

"Ain't about confidence, kid, we don't fight the way you think."

Sideswipe stared at Ironhide. "You're nanites, like Hound?"

"Of a sort," Ironhide grinned. "We stop any nasties getting into Prowl's subconscious where they'd do real irreversible damage."

"A firewall," Sideswipe stated with realisation.

"We have to stop him if he gets past us there is no one else except Prowl and he's been tricked," Sunstreaker scowled.

"Tricked?"

"Yeah," Ironhide frowned sadly. "Locked inside his own mind. Inside a non reality to keep him distracted."

"How is that even possible?"

"He was weak. Injured. Grieving," Sunstreaker answered gesturing for Sideswipe to follow him.

Sideswipe frowned in confusion, returning the nods of greeting and encouragement from the other soldiers, as he followed his brother. "I don't understand. He has no reason to grieve. Who died?"

Sunstreaker stopped walking at the base of a bridge that spanned a vast chasm. "You," he declared simply.

"But I'm not, I didn't."

Sunstreaker nodded. "We know but Prowl was vulnerable and in pain. When he was hit with the null ray, it scrambled all of his defences, we were all knocked out for only a few seconds. It was all the time he needed to get to Prowl directly, manipulate his memories, his reality."

"But Prowl has lived through war, he's lost mechs before..." Sideswipe argued, worry curling about his spark. "I know he felt the loss but it never stopped him before."

Sunstreaker canted his helm at Sideswipe, almost in sympathy. "If a mech's will is bent far enough, it eventually breaks. Especially if they no longer believe they have anything to fight for."

Realisation crept over Sideswipe as chaos erupted around them. He didn't have time to process anything as Sunstreaker grabbed him and bodily hurled him into the crumbling bridges. "Look past the secrets and the lies. Find him. You're the only one who can!"

Sideswipe held onto the rail of the bridge tightly as it threatened to plummet into nothing.

"Run!" Sunstreaker snarled before he turned and launched himself at the approaching enemy.

Sideswipe scrambled up the steep steps, losing his footing more than once as the bridge collapsed behind him. He didn't dare look back and just kept sprinting across. Seekers chased him, firing at him wildly, a voice repeating over and over in his helm. "You should have turned back. Tick tock. Tick tock. " The bridge started to fall and Sideswipe climbed onto the rail and threw himself into the air, hands outstretched, reaching for the other side. His fingers scraped the surface as he was slammed into the edge of a cliff. Grunting he tried to drag himself up, only for the ground to give way in his grasp. He cried out fearfully, his tank lurching as his body became weightless.

A sharp tug jarred his shoulder, slapping him against the rough surface and all the noise stopped abruptly. Looking up he almost let go in surprise.

The strong blue hand only held onto him more tightly and with a roar, heaved him up over the cliff edge with sheer brute force.

Sideswipe fell to his knees once on solid ground, more than a little shaken up. He peered up at his saviour in bemusement. "Figures," he uttered, accepting the offered hand as he got to his feet.

"Sideswipe, I'm--"

"--I know," Sideswipe threw the mech a lopsided grin. "Optimus Prime."

****

"You have come a long way," Optimus commented.

"Didn't have a choice," Sideswipe answered grimly, looking back over the chasm where a familiar figure stood staring at him. He was too far away to actually see his optics clearly but Sideswipe knew they were fixed on him, he could practically feel them burning into his plating. "I'd feel a whole lot better if that fragger didn't look like Prowl."

Optimus followed his gaze and his azure optics narrowed. "It must have been difficult for you."

"Not going to make the top ten vacation spots let me tell you," Sideswipe quipped. "Right up there in the crazy as all slag meter though."

Optimus met his gaze and regarded him curiously. "You are an interesting choice of lover."

Sideswipe laughed. "Gee, thanks. Going to file that under nicest put down ever. Would you mind if we move?" He looked back over at the AI who remained unmoving while the bridge was rebuilt faster than Sideswipe wanted it to be. A timer appeared and he grimaced at how little time he had left. "Evil twin over there is giving me the creeps."

Optimus nodded and motioned for Sideswipe to follow him. "This will be the most difficult part of your journey," he explained as they walked.

"No turning back now. He never quits on us so I'm not about to quit on him."

"Sometimes a mech does not want to be saved," Optimus stated cryptically.

"Why do you all keep saying that?" Sideswipe snapped, reaching the end of his patience. "The Prowl I know wouldn't quit and even if he does at least I'll be there with him," he trailed off, doubt creeping into his spark. After everything he'd been told it wouldn't be far fetched for Prowl to give up. That filled Sideswipe with an almost crippling fear he didn't want to explain. "He's trapped in grief right? Thinks I'm deactivated, is probably blaming himself? Well when he sees me he'll know that's not true and I'll bring him back."

Humming thoughtfully, Optimus looked towards a large temple in the distance. "There are many things you do not know," he glanced down at Sideswipe. "Are you prepared Sideswipe?"

"Wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"Many secrets have been hidden away. Many lies told, things once learned cannot be unlearned."

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like endless enjoyment," he answered sardonically. "How bad can it be? It's not like he's Jazz," he added with an uncertain mutter.

Optimus stopped and placed a hand on Sideswipe's shoulder. "If Prowl has allowed you to touch his spark then there is trust but you must prepare yourself to witness things that may change you, change how you feel."

"And I'm telling you there isn't anything in there," Sideswipe pointed at the Temple of Primus standing before them. "That will make me regret fighting for him or change how I feel. It's too late for that. Kinda in over my head here."

Optimus nodded and squeezed Sideswipe's shoulder. "Prowl is fortunate. We may yet have a chance."

"You guys are all about the pressure aren't you," the frontliner quipped sardonically. "Who are you in Prowl's head anyway?"

"I am reason, justice, morality and the keeper of the archives," Optimus explained.

"Archives?"

"Prowl's subconscious mind are where his thoughts, desires, hopes and dreams are stored. Along with his fears, regrets and the results of every decision made, including what could have been. Everything that forms the true personality of Prowl. The essence of his spark. I catalogue and protect it," he bowed his helm. "No enemy has ever gotten this far before. We have failed him."

"Interesting."

Sideswipe and Optimus whirled around at the disinterested voice. Engine revving angrily, Sideswipe lunged for the mech hiding behind Prowl's image, only for Optimus to stand between them, his sword, Star Saber glowing fiercely as it was drawn.

"In the Samurai warrior culture on Earth, a warrior that has failed so abjectly will throw himself on his sword in order to preserve his family's honour," the AI regarded the two mechs coolly. "It would be the noblest act for a doomed warrior and the least painful," he added with menace.

"You know nothing of honour," Optimus replied. "Stop this. Before it's too late. Everything in its rightful place."

"Oh, it is already much too late."

Sideswipe bristled with barely contained rage while his spark ached at the sight of Prowl, though he knew it wasn't really him, preparing to fight.

"Run, Sideswipe," Optimus urged. "Run now!"

Sideswipe was so tired of running but as the two mechs met in battle, the world around him trembled. His spark pulsed hard and fast in his chest. The fabric of this reality starting to unravel.

"Got to stop..."

"...n too deep!"

"... I'm losing him!"

"I can save one. Out of my way."

"Do it!"

"...No! Wait!"

Sideswipe shook his helm as the voices pierced his consciousness. Ratchet, Jazz and Sunstreaker fighting, arguing, trying to pull him out as Prowl's processor tore itself apart. He still kept running, the Temple growing closer. Looking back he saw the vision of Earth filling the sky. "No..." he remembered, a berth, a medbay, the signal. "Not yet!" He growled, transforming and accelerating for the Temple ahead.

The earth was engulfing everything around him. Sideswipe fought the pull on his body. It felt like he was moving through tar and his engine red lined. Tendrils of light reached for him but Sideswipe dodged and served. He would not let anything stop him now. Not even if it cost him his spark. He owed Prowl enough to at least try.

"Ratchet! Do something!"

Sideswipe zoomed through a gateway, spark clenching at the desperation he heard in Sunstreaker's voice and leapt through the door as it slammed shut behind him.

"...othing...I can do. He should have onlined...Sunstreaker... I'm so sorry..."

The voices faded, drifting away into the darkness and for the first time in his life, Sideswipe felt truly alone and trapped. Yet driven to keep going. He skidded to a halt in a long dark hall, intakes panting, "Forgive me, Sunny."

****

Ratchet stood beside Jazz who was peering into the dimly lit room with a frown.

"How long has he been in there?" The visored mech asked quietly.

"Since the seizure," Ratchet sighed. "He goes to his shift and comes right back here."

"Unhealthy."

Ratchet’s optics dimmed. "Sideswipe for all intents and purposes is alive."

Jazz’s frown deepened. "No processor activity."

"But his spark is still strong."

Jazz turned to face Ratchet. "I know that look. What's your theory?"

Ratchet looked sheepish and gestured for Jazz to follow him into his office where Sunstreaker couldn't accidentally overhear. "Prowl's seizure was caused by his firewalls being destroyed by the AI."

"Not Sideswipe?"

"He would have to be considered a threat and given how long he's been under I doubt very much that Prowl considers him one."

"So the AI has taken over Prowl's processor then," Jazz declared. "In that case you should have been able to pull Sideswipe out."

"Exactly. This leads me to think that only one of two things could have happened. Either the AI stopped and defragged Sideswipe's coding explaining his processor deactivation but not why Prowl hasn't onlined or and this is a pretty big and improbable or; Sideswipe's still in there. In Prowl's processor."

Jazz stared at the medic. Being a hacker he understood a great deal of the processor of mechs but the intricacies of their personality and base coding escaped him. "That's why you haven't disconnected them?"

Ratchet nodded. "If he's in there and I break that connection, even if Prowl recovers we would never be able to retrieve Sideswipe. It's the only chance he's got and while his spark pulses I'm not willing to give up."

"And if Prowl wakes up?"

"Then we pull the plug."

Both mechs turned and met Sunstreaker's steady gaze. "Sides won't give up, stupid glitch went and fell in love didn't he, not that he'll admit it, but... he wouldn't want reformatting either. If Prowl comes back without him, we let him go. It's what he would want."

"That's suicide for you, Sunny," Jazz answered softly. "What about what you want?"

"His fight is my fight just as my fight is his." The golden mech looked at them with pained optics. "If he doesn't come back, I'm dead anyway. Better we go together. Separated twins go insane."

****

Sideswipe could hear voices behind the closed doors as he walked past. He called out Prowl's name repeatedly and nothing. He was beginning to despair and really wished he had Sunstreaker beside him. His quiet stubborn determination always gave Sideswipe strength. He really needed that right now. "Probably thinks I'm a stupid glitch," he murmured to himself with a smirk. His smile faded when he got the distinct impression he wasn't alone. Stopping in his tracks, he tensed. "I know you're there."

"I never left," came the small voice.

Sideswipe turned and stared at the small youngling standing in front of him. "How what? Bluestreak, I wondered when you were going to show up but why are you a youngling?"

The youngling smiled brightly at Sideswipe and shrugged. "In here I'm a sparkling. Out there," the youngling pointed up."I grew up. In here I'm safe."

"Safe from what?"

"Everything," Bluestreak answered in a whisper.

"Let me get this straight. This is Prowl's subconscious?"

The youngling nodded eagerly.

"And you're a collection of nanites representing a part of Prowl, right?"

The youngling looked confused. "No I'm Bluestreak."

It was Sideswipe's turn to be confused. "You can't be Bluestreak," he declared with a frown.

Bluestreak laughed and ran past Sideswipe. "Catch me if you can!"

"Hey wait!" Sideswipe chased after the little mechling, catching him disappearing into a door. Following without hesitation he stopped short when he found himself back in Praxus but this time he wasn't part of a memory. It was almost as if a moment in time had been captured and locked away.

Sideswipe watched a young Prowl kneel down and remove debris from another Praxian. Lifting the destroyed sensor panel, Prowl gazed dispassionately at the sparkling. Sideswipe frowned recognising the lack of emotion on Prowl's face. He was in full battle mode and seemed frozen in indecision. Then the sparkling cried as noise of the ensuing destruction grew closer and Sideswipe watched as something in Prowl snapped.

  
The Enforcer gently lifted up the injured sparkling who was clearly distressed and cradled him. The sparkling was so young it wouldn't survive without a creator bond. Sideswipe's intakes hitched as he watched Prowl open up a port on the sparkling's helm and connected to it. Within seconds the sparkling calmed and gazed at Prowl with bright curiosity and trust.

"He didn't feel anything before me," the small voice uttered. Bluestreak looked up at Sideswipe when the red mech glanced at him. "He kept me safe until I didn't need a creator anymore and this is what was left behind when I grew up."

Still Frowning Sideswipe looked back as the scene changed to Hound pulling both Prowl and Bluestreak out of the rubble of Praxus. "I never knew that," he murmured. "What do you mean he didn't feel anything?"

The sparkling held out his hand to Sideswipe. "He's outside."

Hope and relief surged through Sideswipe and he took the small hand, letting the youngling lead him out. That hope vanished as he met those cold steady optics, so like Prowl's and yet so different.

"I have been with Prowl longer than anyone."

"He hates me," Bluestreak stated matter of factly.

Scowling, Sideswipe squeezed the youngling's hand. "Yeah, bitlet he hates me too."

The AI's impassive features seemed to darken if only for a fraction of a second. Sideswipe caught it though. "Has to be difficult being replaced," he added with a smirk. "Becoming obsolete."

"Obsolete?" The AI's helm canted slightly. "I have been responsible for saving so many lives, including your own, since before you were sparked. Tell me how that has rendered me obsolete?" He then ducked his helm a little and smiled. It was not a smile filled with warmth. "Prowl has retreated from his life. From emotions that have consumed him, in an attempt to not feel. Who is it that is truly obsolete?"

Sideswipe growled and took a step toward the AI, only for Bluestreak to tug at him. "You tricked him. He was hurt and you took advantage by telling him lies just so you could have complete control again. What is it so hard to share? Or did your jealousy get the better of you? You claim to feel nothing but you feel. You feel so strongly it has consumed you," Sideswipe scoffed. "You're afraid. That's what all this is about. You could tolerate a youngling giving Prowl back his processor but me? No, there was no competition so you did the only thing you could. You cheated and you lied," Sideswipe let out a short laugh. "Here I was thinking you are smarter than me when in fact you're like a spoilt child demanding that everyone pay attention to you. Be afraid of you. Well I'm not. You're pathetic."

The AI hummed in response and raised a single finger to wag it side to side as Sideswipe's timer appeared, "Tick tock. Tick tock."

Bluestreak tugged urgently on Sideswipe, leading him away before the frontliner could raise his clenched fist.

Sideswipe glowered as he was pulled through another door and then another. "Next time remind me to punch him in his smug face."

Bluestreak merely looked at him quizzically. "This is my room. It's a secret room. He can't come in here."

Looking around, Sideswipe was surprised to find it looked remarkably like a sparkling's room and he was reminded of the first sparkling he'd met at the beginning of this twisted journey. His spark ached. He wondered if this room had actually existed once. "Are there more secret rooms?"

"Many but I only know a few."

"Could you help me find Prowl?" Sideswipe crouched down meeting the sparkling's bright optics.

Bluestreak shook his helm. "Some places I cannot go because I'm too little but you can. You have to go through that door," he pointed at the door they'd come through.

Sideswipe nodded. "Will you be safe from him?"

"He can't hurt me. I exist here like he does. Prowl told me the creator bond once created never goes away it just goes quiet when we no longer need it," Bluestreak explained with a smile.

"Prowl cares about you a lot."

Bluestreak laughed and patted Sideswipe's face. "Same as you."

Sideswipe smiled faintly and pushed to his feet. "Thanks, Blue."

The youngling grinned proudly and waved to Sideswipe as he left. "Prowl loves me. Same as you," he called out. "So I know you'll find him."

Sideswipe turned as the door closed behind him and frowned. Love? Nobody had said anything about love. Yet despite his apprehension at the thought, his spark spun faster in his chest as he opened another door.


	4. Goblin King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how much is Sideswipe willing to give?

He was greeted by a more comforting sight. The palace of Iacon, or more precisely the tactical Centre. It wasn't a place he'd frequented many times but he knew it.

His gaze fell on Prowl. Albeit a young Prowl. He wasn't at the chief tactician's post. He was a junior. This was before Sideswipe had known him. They were in the middle of a battle but it was eerily calm in this room. Sideswipe watched intently. Prowl seemed uncharacteristically distracted, on edge. Then it happened. Sideswipe didn't see it coming.

Prowl stood, marched over to the chief tactician and put a gun to his helm. "Stand aside, Sir."

The other tacticians were on their feet, shocked and scared.

"Have you lost your processor, Prowl!?" The chief tactician snarled. "Put that fragging gun down!"

"You are a traitor, I won't ask again; stand aside."

The chief tactician did as he was told warily eyeing the weapon leveled at his head. "I'll have you thrown in the stockade for this, you pit spawned glitch."

Prowl didn't respond, he was focused on the tactical console. Picking up the communicator he started issuing orders, taking over the battle. His weapon was still trained on his commander and neither of them noticed another mech, a junior tactician moving closer to Prowl.

"Prowl, look out!" Sideswipe couldn't help himself despite knowing it wasn't happening right at that moment.

The mech rushed Prowl and took him off guard. Taking a few quick steps back, Prowl was grabbed by the commander while a third mech started shooting the other Junior tacticians. Prowl fought furiously but he was overpowered and outnumbered. Held by two mechs the commander beat him ruthlessly before drawing an energon blade. "Ruined vorns of work you slagger," he plunged the dagger repeatedly into Prowl's frame before the base alert sounded and the other mechs grabbed their commander and fled, leaving several mechs dying and dead in growing pools of energon.

Sideswipe was in shock, his hands trembling as he moved through the room. He knew it wasn’t real but that didn’t help when mechs were offlining all around him. He crouched down beside Prowl, distraught at seeing him on the brink of death. Pale optics flickered and seemed to gaze up at Sideswipe as though seeing him. Sideswipe hated this, only watching, feeling more trapped with every passing moment. Prowl had never told him about this, he’d had no idea. Other mechs rushed into the room with rifles and Sideswipe stepped back instinctively. They couldn’t see him, he wasn’t really there. Sideswipe fled the room, intakes hitched as he attempted to recentre himself. There was no corridor anymore though, just another room. Sideswipe didn’t want to see anymore, he wanted Prowl, he wanted to leave.

  
He started running, racing through room after room, door after door. Glimpses of Prowl’s past always caught Sideswipe’s optics. An interrogation, an order that killed somemech he knew and cared about. Wariness, uncertainty when faced with him and his brother for the first time. Ruthlessness in command, weeping for the losses and energon on his hands behind closed doors. “Prowl!” Sideswipe hollered, unable to take another klik of a reality that was not his own as everything became a blur. There were so many secrets, so many dark, foreboding rooms, rooms filled with regret, guilt, loss, pain, death, war and loneliness so much loneliness. Sideswipe burst through another door and found himself on a familiar ship, a crash and a realisation. “Prowl! Where are you?! Fraggit, answer me!” Sideswipe shouted as loud as he could, desperation seeping into his voice.

Wearily and full of defeat, he stepped through a door and found himself in Prowl’s quarters on the Ark. He could see himself lying in recharge beside a very awake Prowl. Moving closer, curiosity getting the better of him, he watched Prowl watching him intently. White fingers lightly trailed over the lines of his faceplates, down over his chest, mapping each seam and contour, lingering on old barely visible scars. Prowl seemed so full of awe and longing. Sideswipe was certain there was sadness in his optics too as the Praxian leant closer to his audio and whispered words that made Sideswipe’s spark pulse hard in his chest.

“I love you.”

Prowl had never said those words aloud to him, granted they had only been seeing each other a relatively short time in the grand scheme of things, but Sideswipe felt this was something they should have been able to be honest about, at least with each other. “Why did you never tell me?” he asked, knowing Prowl couldn’t hear him. “Please, Prowl come back to us… to me…” he bowed his helm, sinking down against the berth. He was exhausted and as he stared at the door in front of him, he struggled to find the will to go through it. With a heavy sigh, he pushed to his feet and gripped the handle of the door, knowing it would be the last one. He simply could not go on any further. His limbs felt heavy, he was so very tired. He would stay here with Prowl, knowing he was somewhere close. He would remain with him rather than leave him behind. Venting a sigh he stepped through the door and found himself in an open desert on Earth. The sky was a deep blue velvet and it looked like it was littered with diamonds.

Awestruck, Sideswipe drank in the beautiful sight and the Milky Way galaxy stretched across the sky above him. He smiled at the sight, sadness filling his spark when he remembered how much Prowl loved looking at the stars. Lowering his gaze, he spied the shadow of a lone figure up ahead. The figure was sat on the ground, gaze fixed on the sky and the glittering stars above. “This’ll do,” Sideswipe murmured softly. This wasn’t a room, nor did it feel like a memory, it felt almost peaceful, serene. Mustering the last of his strength, Sideswipe walked towards the figure and without a word simply sat beside him. Prowl always looked stunning in the starlight and this time was no different. “Beautiful,” he whispered sadly before settling beside an almost perfect image of Prowl. Prowl as he remembered him. Sideswipe wrapped his arms around his own knees and followed Prowl’s gaze to take in one last look of the stars. Optics dim, his smile faded and he rested his helm on his knees, ready to let whatever was going to happen, happen. He could go no further.   
****

Sideswipe wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, half in recharge when he heard it.

“It is, isn’t it.”

At first he wasn’t even sure if he had heard it or if it was just his own processor playing tricks on him. Dimly onlining his optics, he lifted his helm weakly and frowned. “What?” he uttered, feeling stupid for talking to a memory. Even the nanite people were more interactive.

“The stars, they are beautiful. I am agreeing with you.”

Sideswipe’s optics flared bright and his helm snapped to Prowl still sat beside him regarding him with equally bright optics. “Prowl? You… you’re talking to me?”

Prowl chuckled softly. “Who else would I be talking to, Sideswipe?”

“Prowl?” Sideswipe shifted to kneeling his hands tentatively reaching out for the black and white mech. “It’s really you, like really real you, not just some bunch of nanites pretending to be some mech I know? Because I really don’t think I could handle that right now…”

Prowl canted his helm slightly, an optic ridge rising slightly. “You’re not making sense, are you alright?”

“No… no I’m not alright. I’m way past not being alright but… if it’s really you, then it’s alright, it’ll be okay, because I found you. They said I would know when I found you…”

“Sideswipe, you’re rambling. How could you find me? I haven’t been lost,” Prowl answered gently, frowning as he tried to make sense of Sideswipe’s jumbled statements.

Sideswipe nodded. “Yeah, figures that you think that but out there,” Sideswipe gestured randomly. “It won’t make any sense but you are lost and I came to find you. You have to believe me, I can’t, I won’t leave you behind, not if it’s you, not if I found you. Please tell me it’s you,” the red mech implored Prowl desperately, hands gripping his shoulders tightly as though afraid Prowl would suddenly disappear.

Prowl met Sideswipe’s earnest gaze and leant forward to place a chaste kiss on Sideswipe’s delicate lip plating.

The contact made Sideswipe’s whole frame tingle and his spark sing as he let out a soft keen and without warning, wrapped Prowl in his arms and held him close, burying his face into the crook of his neck. “Thank Primus,” he breathed, relief surging through him so strongly, Sideswipe was sure it was going to drown him. Reluctantly pulling away, he cupped Prowl’s face and almost laughed at the befuddled expression. “I’ll explain everything, I promise but we’ve got to go.”

“Go where?”

“Home, back, reality, I can’t explain it.”

“This is Earth, we are… home, sort of,” Prowl replied.

Sideswipe frowned, frustration bubbling up to the surface. “Prowl do you remember a battle? It was after I spent the night at yours and there was a battle and you got cornered by Starscream and he had his null ray--”

“--No!”

“No?” It was Sideswipe’s turn to be confused.

“You can’t make me do this, I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to see that again… no. We can just stay here,” Prowl seemed desperate now. “I know you’re not real but you can stay here… with me…we can be together...always.”

“Okay, so now neither of us is making sense,” Sideswipe replied flippantly. “Look, Prowl, I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s a lie. I didn’t die. You were hit with the null ray. We’re both lying in Ratchet’s medbay right now because your fragging battle AI glitch spawn of Unicron took over your processor.” When Prowl began to shake his helm in disbelief, Sideswipe gripped his hands tightly. “He lied to you, tricked you so you’d give up. Please, I have come through the craziest slag of my life to find you. The least you can do is hear what I’m saying and check my memories if you don’t believe me. We’re connected in the real world, you can see my memories. Just look, please?”

The desert brightened into daylight around them and Prowl struggled and tried to look away as the battle unfolded around them. “Sideswipe, no I can’t watch this… Not you… I can’t… please!”

“You must!” Sideswipe growled out. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this, Prowl, it’s that you don’t take anything at face value,” Sideswipe knew he was losing his temper but he was out of time and out of patience. “Now look at what really happened,” he bodily turned Prowl and held him tightly, his arms holding him flush to his own plating, back to chest as Starscream pointed the null ray at Prowl’s helm and Sideswipe’s howl echoed across the desert.

Prowl frowned and pulled himself free of Sideswipe’s grasp, moving towards himself as he slumped to the floor, a gaping wound in his processor. “I don’t understand... why don’t I remember?” he scowled as Sideswipe tackled the seekers to get to him. “I know in my spark this is what happened but I do--” Prowl stopped as he turned to face Sideswipe and glowered, as he snarled angrily. “You. You did this.”

Sideswipe frowned and slowly turned to look behind him.

The AI smiled darkly. “Tick tock, Sideswipe. Thank you so much for finding him for me. Now I can finish what I started.”

“For you? What the slag!” Sideswipe snarled, clenching his fists. “Prowl he’s lying, he’s been trying to stop me or kill me, probably both the entire time we’ve been connected.”

The AI actually laughed though it was not a laugh of mirth. “What do you see in him?”

“Why you--”

Prowl moved quickly, standing in front of Sideswipe as the frontliner rushed forward, his fist raised, ready to punch the AI. Pressing his hands to Sideswipe’s chest, he pushed back firmly, stopping him in his tracks. “Don’t! If everything you’ve told me is true, then don’t, he will shred your coding if you give him half a chance.”

“If he could do that why hasn’t he done it already!?” Sideswipe countered his anger getting the better of him.

“He’s tricked you, just as you say he has me. He needed you to find me. I retreated into a place he shouldn’t be able to go, but you created a window and he used you to get inside,” Prowl curled his fingers into Sideswipe’s chest. “I can’t lose you again… I won’t!”

Sideswipe frowned not wanting to believe he'd given the AI a way to get to Prowl and gazed at Prowl earnestly. “Come back with me. Shut this glitch down.”

Prowl shook his helm. “It’s not that simple…”

“Why not? I don’t understand, it’s in your processor, I’ve found you so you should be back in control,” Sideswipe insisted, fear gripping his spark.

“He’s weak,” the AI interjected. “Emotions clouding his judgement, making him falter in his decisions. He believes he deserves it so he won’t fight for you, Sideswipe. He won’t even fight for himself. It’s time to end this.”

“Prowl,” Sideswipe grabbed Prowl’s shoulders and looked him in the optic. “You have to fight. If not for me, then for Blue’ and for the Autobots. I came to find you because you… my life, you changed everything and I want you to keep changing everything, I’ve seen secrets and the darkest parts of your processor and I still want you in my life. I’m begging you please don’t give up.”

“You gave up,” the AI pointed out with a smirk.

“Shut your fragging mouth!” Sideswipe growled out. Looking at Prowl once more. “I’m beside you now, we can fight it together.”

Prowl’s optics dimmed and he bowed his helm. “It’s not that simple,” he repeated softly.

“Prowl plea--”

“--You need to go now,” Prowl stated simply, meeting Sideswipe’s intense gaze. “You did what you came to do but you cannot stay for this.”

“Prowl, no…”

“I am using what strength I have to keep him from shredding your coding, I cannot do both,” Prowl explained. “If I do not succeed, know that you have done more for me than anyone I have ever known and I lo--”

Sideswipe cut him off by kissing him fiercely. “You will succeed. You don’t know how to fail,” he stepped back, letting go of Prowl reluctantly. “How do I--?”

“Offline your optics.”

Sideswipe nodded and frowned at the AI who hadn’t moved closer but was watching him with hatred in his optics. He gave Prowl a lopsided grin, despite the worry in his spark. “I love you too,” he declared resolutely, offlining his optics before he could see Prowl’s reaction and felt a sharp tug through his whole body. “Prowl?”

Voices filled his processor. Whispers, loud getting louder, until he cried out at the overwhelming, painful barrage of sound. “Prowl!”

****

“Ratchet what the frag is happening?!” Sunstreaker yelled, holding his brother still as he convulsed on the berth.

“There’s activity. I don’t know, I can’t get a clear reading!”

“Then look closer!” Sunstreaker snarled.

Sideswipe suddenly arched off the berth, crying out Prowl’s name, his optics flaring white as he was flung back into consciousness. He gripped his brother tightly, relief rushing through him as he collapsed exhaustedly back onto the berth with a sob. He turned his helm weakly to see Ratchet working on Prowl, whose monitors were beeping frantically, flashing red alerts as the black and white’s frame jerked. Sideswipe’s vision started swimming and he felt his tank lurch violently, pushing himself half up onto his side, he purged his tank onto the floor, before slumping onto the berth, a hand weakly reaching out for Prowl as exhaustion claimed him.

Sunstreaker carefully tugged his brother into lying on his back and used a rag to wipe away the semi processed energon from his mouth.

First Aid checked him over and gave Sunstreaker a small smile. “He’s in recharge, there’s no processor damage according to the readouts but the emotional fall out will be more substantial. He will be okay in time.”

Sunstreaker nodded mutely, simply relieved to have his brother back after so many agonising weeks. “And Prowl?” he asked gruffly.

First Aid glanced over to where Ratchet was examining Prowl. The monitors had evened out at worrying yet stable levels and had fallen quiet. “Only time will tell, but he’s never backed away from any fight for as long as I’ve known him,” he answered softly. “Try to get some rest, Sideswipe will be out for some time.”

Sunstreaker sat slowly in his seat and took hold of his brother’s hand. With relief surging through him, Sunstreaker lay his helm on his brother’s warm frame, listening to the thrum of his spark as it lulled him into a much needed recharge.

****

Weeks passed before Prowl showed any sign of improvement. Sideswipe had been by his side the moment he'd heard despite having his own recovery to deal with. His processor had had to have a complete medical defragmentation and Ratchet had scheduled in sessions with Smokescreen which the frontliner had neglected to attend. Even so Ratchet had not berated him too much while Prowl's fate was still uncertain.

“He's onlining,” Sideswipe declared softly. Leaning over Prowl he gently cupped his face. “Hey, stranger,” he grinned faintly when Prowl gazed up at him.

“What happened?” Prowl asked weakly.

“You don't remember?” Sideswipe replied, his voice catching.

“Some, flashes… Starscream… I thought you were--” Prowl's intakes hitched and his fingers curled into Sideswipe's plating.

Satisfied it was Prowl talking and not the AI, Sideswipe shook his helm. “Takes more than a seeker to stop me.”

Prowl's optics flickered. “I remember your face and my spark it… but… I don't know who you are…”

Ratchet touched Sideswipe's arm. “I need to scan him. His processor will catch up just give him some time,” he reassured.

Sideswipe nodded mutely, his spark clenching in his chest. After all that he'd gone through. It seemed that the AI, while not gaining the control he wanted had taken something more precious from Sideswipe. He caught Prowl's optics focusing on him in confusion and he offered a wan smile, hiding his pain before turning on his heel and fleeing the medbay. 


	5. Through the looking glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Sideswipe lost Prowl forever?

Sideswipe tried to make sense of it all. Ratchet had explained Prowl's condition patiently and at length. His spark remembered but it wasn't clear if his processor ever would. Prowl's short term memory was in bits. The frontliner wasn't really sure what it meant. Did he still have feelings? Did he remember any of their relationship? What should he do, if anything? Ratchet had suggested giving Prowl time, letting the mech come to him but Sideswipe had never been renowned for his patience, that was Prowl's thing. He'd gotten angry, then despondent but it was only when Sunstreaker volunteered to beat the melancholic defeatism out of his plating that he'd decided to act. After everything the one thing he'd learnt was that whatever they had together, no matter the stage they'd been at; it was worth fighting for. They deserved a chance.

****

Prowl had been on light duty since his release from medbay. He felt back to almost his usual self, well what he remembered himself being anyway. His memories were gradually returning but there was still an inexplicable gap whenever he thought about a certain red mech. It did not make sense for just those memories to be corrupt or missing. He looked up when his door pinged and his doorwings rose up at the welcome sight of Bluestreak.

“You've been hiding,” Bluestreak chided gently as he came to sit down.

Prowl gave him a small smile. “You are perceptive.”

“Known you way too long to think old habits change,” Bluestreak returned the smile and reached for Prowl's hand across his desk. “I'm glad you're getting better. I was so scared…” he whispered, resting his helm against Prowl's hand.

Curling his fingers around Bluestreak hand, Prowl frowned sadly. He'd always forbade Bluestreak from visiting him if he ever ended up in medbay. The young mech didn't need to witness any more suffering than he already had. It didn't mean that the Praxian did not suffer however. Prowl knew better than that. He still wished to spare him as much pain as he was able, especially as when Bluestreak was a youngling, Prowl had been gravely injured on duty, betrayed by his own commander and his spark had tried to gutter more than once and Bluestreak had witnessed it all and had gone into a catatonic state of shock. Prowl had nearly lost him. The thought of losing Bluestreak had scared Prowl more than he had thought possible. “I'm alright now,” he stated simply. It was a partial lie but one he could live with telling.

Bluestreak straightened but kept hold of Prowl's hand and squeezed it. “You’re a bad liar,” he smirked. “You don't think you are but you are. Have you spoken to Sideswipe?”

Prowl frowned and averted his gaze.

“Thought so,” Bluestreak shook his helm. “You won't be alright until you talk to him. He's the missing piece you know that.”

Prowl sighed. “You do not know that for certain. I do not remem--”

“--Your spark does. And you already told me how you feel about him before all this happened. He went inside your mind. I know he saw things you didn't want him to see. He probably didn't want to see them either but it's done and without him you wouldn't be… you anymore.”

Prowl canted his helm quizzically at Bluestreak. “I thought I told you not to go to medbay when I'm injured?”

Bluestreak grinned. “You didn't say anything about not asking Ratchet for updates though.”

Prowl pursed his lip components. “I'll have to have a word about confidentiality.”

Bluestreak chuckled. “You won't. We're family. It's perfectly acceptable given that I decide what happens to you if you get defragged to the point of non functional.”

“Comforting thought,” Prowl replied sardonically with a smirk. “Remember that goes both ways.”

Laughing Bluestreak nodded. “Oh I know. There's nobody else I'd trust anyway. Now stop digressing. Talk to Sideswipe.”

“What if after all that he's seen, his feelings have changed and he doesn't want to try rebuild what was?”

“Then he doesn't, and I'll be here to help you grieve and move on,” Bluestreak stated matter of factly. “but the fact he risked himself like that at all tells me he'd walk through the burning pits of Unicron for you.”

Prowl pondered Bluestreak’s words. “I don't know if things can be like they were. If my memory will fully return. How can I put him through that?”

“Welcome to the real world of us normal mechs,” Bluestreak smiled affectionately. “we go into these things with our sparks not knowing all the time. You did it once before and you can do it again. Besides not being certain of something has never stopped you.”

“It just seems cruel to put him through that to ask him to even consider seeing me or feeling the same,” Prowl shook his helm. “I won't do that to him.”

Bluestreak frowned. “Well to be honest it's--”

“--Not your decision to make.”

Both Praxians looked up sharply at the steady if quiet voice and gazed at the red mech stood in the doorway.

  
“Sideswipe,” Prowl started in hesitant surprise.

Bluestreak smiled and stood. “I'll let you two talk,” he paused as he passed Sideswipe and placed an encouraging hand on his arm. The two mechs shared an understanding glance before parting.

“I wasn't certain you wanted to speak with me,” Prowl murmured softly, absently straightening data pads on his desk.

Sideswipe huffed and stepped into the office, hitting the door lock on his way past. “You didn't ask or try though, Prowl. Left me thinking you no longer had feelings.”

Despite Sideswipe's words the tone was not an angry one. Prowl met his gaze, catching the sadness in the red mech's face and optics that was plain to see. “I apologise for giving you that impression.”

“Don't want an apology. Want answers or at least an explanation.”

“I know but you deserve one,” Prowl continued. “I should have come to you before now but the truth is I did not know what to say or if anything I said would be of comfort.”

Canting his helm, Sideswipe sighed and sank into the seat and gave Prowl a resigned look. “It’s just like you to try and control the situation. Try to protect others. Thing is, Prowl I don't want protecting from this. I fought for you. I crawled through the darkest parts of your mind, saw your secrets and your pain and I still want to fight for you.”

Prowl sat down slowly, doorwings twitching slightly as he listened.

“The fact is, we're at war and either one of us could be deactivated at any given moment. I don't want to waste my time wondering what if I'd just said something,” he leaned on the table and pinned Prowl with an earnest gaze. “I know you don't remember much, if anything, of our relationship but when you look at me, what do you feel?” Sideswipe pressed a palm to his chest. “In here what do you feel?”

“It's confusing,” Prowl frowned. “My spark pulses faster whenever I see you. You feel so familiar and I cannot deny my desire and longing to--” Prowl stopped himself short and looked away, faceplates heating.

“To what? Touch me, kiss me, just hold my hand and be near me? Because I'd be okay with all those things,” Sideswipe replied.

Scowling, feeling frustrated, Prowl glared at his desk. “I don't remember anything. It's like all memories of you, of us have been erased as though they never happened. I don't know you as Sideswipe who shared my berth, I know you as a soldier as a subordinate...”

“Let me remember for the both of us then,” Sideswipe suggested, pushing out of his chair and rounding the desk to crouch in front of Prowl. He turned Prowl's chair to face him and took hold of his hands. “I don't care if we have to start again. Or if you need to take it slow. I'll do whatever it takes.”

“I don't know…” Prowl frowned. “This is all very new to me. Given that I don't remember it's been a long time from my point of view.”

Sideswipe smiled and let out a soft chuckle. “You said that to me when we first decided to be together,” squeezing Prowl's hands he bowed his helm. “Look, talking you into a relationship isn't how I wanted this to go but I'm not going anywhere. I know you need time and,” venting a heavy sigh, he reluctantly stood and gazed down at Prowl, while still holding his hands. “I can give you that. I can wait.”

“I cannot ask you to do that, you deserve happiness,” Prowl countered, also getting to his feet.

“You’re not asking me. It's my choice and it's ok if you realise that it's not what you want anymore. You're worth waiting for. Just come find me when you know, ‘kay?”

Prowl nodded mutely as Sideswipe kissed his hand tenderly and reluctantly let go. “Why? I mean why would you do this for me?”

Sideswipe paused at the doorway and glanced back at Prowl. “In too deep to turn back now… spark wants what it wants and I love you,” he gave Prowl a lopsided grin. “and I'd bring you the stars if I could.”

Prowl opened his mouth to respond but no words came, his own spark pulsing hard and fast at those weighted words.

Sideswipe palmed the door lock and threw him a smile. “My door's open. When you know, come find me.”

“What if it's not what you want to hear?” Prowl asked hesitantly.

Sideswipe gave a small shrug. “Then we'll work on being friends. Either way, you'll always be my Stargazer and I'll remember that for the both of us.”

Prowl's intakes hitched when Sideswipe left and he sat slowly, his spark spinning fast, aching in his chest while his processor reeled from the emotional turmoil raging through it. For the second time in his life, the first being when he found himself the caretaker of a sparkling, Prowl had no idea what to do.

****

“I thought I told you to talk to Prowl?” Sunstreaker glared at his brother sprawled over their make shift sofa.

“I did. Two months ago.”

Sunstreaker's ire deflated. “Oh,” he sat on the arm of the sofa and lightly toyed with a helm horn. “Smokes’ is having a game tonight. Only two rations to enter. Interested?”

“Nah.”

“Come on, Sides’ you can't spend your life moping about what's done. Time to move on. Live your life.”

“I asked him to tell me regardless of his decision,” Sideswipe sat up and frowned. “I didn't think I'd stop mattering completely.”

“I'm sure it's not like that,” Sunstreaker reassured. “but at the same time you can't just sit here sulking. If he doesn't come to you after you asked him to, then it tells you what sort of mech he is and you definitely need to let go.”

“I can't just let go. I don't have the luxury of forgetting,” Sideswipe argued defensively.

Sunstreaker squeezed his shoulder, his voice softening. “But you can have fun and enjoy yourself. You are allowed to distract yourself enough that for a short time at least, it stops hurting, you can forget. Come out, be with people who care about you.” Sunstreaker held out his hand to his twin as he stood.

“Not going to take no for an answer are you?”

Smirking Sunstreaker tugged his brother from the sofa. “It’s not in my nature.”

****

Sideswipe had taken along his contraband high grade as an apology for neglecting his friends of late. They took it in their stride and it hadn't taken long for the high grade to flow and spirits to be lifted.

Sideswipe actually started to enjoy himself and laughed out loud to one of Bumblebee’s jokes. He grinned at Smokescreen who refilled his cube and draped an arm across the red mech's shoulders.

Sunstreaker watched the pair closely. He wasn't going to let his brother do anything stupid that he definitely would regret but at the same time, he wasn't going to interfere when everyone was having a good time. It was also the first time he'd seen his twin smile in the few months since the battle. Smokescreen on the other hand definitely should know better he thought to himself. Words would be had later.

Sideswipe whooped as he won the dealt hand and collected the pile of rations on the table.

Gears huffed and stormed off as he usually did after losing, leaving the other bots chuckling after him.

“Still a sore loser,” Smokescreen snickered.

“Bot needs to thicken his plating,” Sideswipe grinned, swallowing a mouthful of high grade. “There are worst things in life.”

“It's not so bad,” Smokescreen replied, leaning into Sideswipe's space. “With the right mechs to share it with.”

Sideswipe paused, focusing on Smokescreen’s face through his high grade buzz. The mech was easy on the optic and clearly didn't struggle flirting his way into berths. Sideswipe found him attractive and the way he was leaning in and smiling at him, it was tempting to kiss him. There was a time when he would have done just that and then would have invited himself back to Smokescreen’s quarters but his words left a bitter taste in his mouth and his spark ached. “The right mech,” he repeated absently.

From the outside looking in, it looked like Sideswipe was taken with Smokescreen’s charms and the other bots at the table grinned at each other, glad to see Sideswipe back to his old self. All except one. Sunstreaker knew better and revved his engine in subtle warning.

The distinctive rumble shook Sideswipe out of his daze and he stared at his brother and back at Smokescreen. He felt immediate revulsion for himself and gently extricated himself from Smokescreen.

“Where you going?” Smokescreen asked, curious hope shining in his optics.

“Need some air, you gentlemechs continue without me for a bit,” he gave them a cheerful grin and a wave and sauntered off with an air of confidence that fooled everyone except Sunstreaker.

“That's my cue,” Smokescreen gulped down his high grade and got to his feet, only to be stopped by Sunstreaker blocking his path.

“Doubt that's what he wants right now.”

“Come on, Sunny, it's been months. He deserves fun just as much as the next mech,” Smokescreen protested.

“Not your decision.”

“Oh and somehow it's yours? Please,” Smokescreen scoffed. “Since when did you become your brother's keeper. He can decide for himself.”

“I'm warning you--”

“--warn all you like, Sunshine. He gets to choose who he frags, not you and evidently not Prowl.”

Sunstreaker grabbed a collar fairing roughly and clenched his fist.

“It's the truth. Prowl's not on the scene, hasn't even bothered telling Sides’. You know that as well as I do.”

“I don't know slag because it's none of my business.”

“Yeah,” Smokescreen yanked himself free of the frontliner’s tight grip. “and neither is this.”

“I suggest you mechs break it up and call it a night.”

Both mechs stared at the speaker and Jazz met their angry gazes with the same unflappable cheer he handled everything.

“Too many wandering audios if you catch my drift?” he added with a glance at a table in the far room that had two cubes but only one black and white occupant. “Now the outcome of tonight is going to greatly determine whether you all end up in the brig for all that high grade and gambling you've been flaunting about. For now though you need to clear out and get some recharge.”

“Why are you all defending him!?” Smokescreen blurted out. “He left Sideswipe hanging. Dangled that goodie in front of his face and then pretended he didn't exist!” he pointed at Prowl who remained impassive to his anger. “You hear that? This is all your fault! Without you Sides’ would be happy--” Smokescreen stumbled slightly as he advanced forward, the overcharge causing his systems to burn out and become sluggish. Luckily Sunstreaker and Jazz were there to catch him and stop him from making a further aft of himself.

Prowl stood and regarded Smokescreen coolly. “Given that we are all off duty, I shall overlook this and thank you to remain out of my personal affairs.” He looked at Jazz. “Please ensure he gets back to his room without incident,” with that he swept past them, not before sharing a subtle glance at Sunstreaker, who scowled at him deeply.

“You know where he is,” the golden mech stated softly, planting a strong hand on Prowl's chest to stop him walking away. At Prowl's silent nod, Sunstreaker stepped aside. “I better not see him tonight.”

Prowl left without another word, leaving Sunstreaker and Jazz to deal with the fallout as Smokescreen freed himself from Jazz's grasp and nearly fell over a table.

“What personal affairs?” Smokescreen hollered after Prowl. “Breaking a mech's spark? Stopping him from being happy? Mech was a glitch to fall for you in the first place,” he trailed off dejectedly.

“Alright that's enough from you,” Jazz chided gently steering the mech to the exit. “Matters of the spark aren't so simple, Smokes’ you know that. Better Prowl wait and know for sure than to hurt Sideswipe further.”

“It's not fair,” Smokescreen slurred unhappily. “I could have made him happy.”

“It never is, my mech. Love never is,” answered Jazz with an air of resignation, earning him a curious glance from the golden frontliner helping him bodily move Smokescreen in the right direction.

****

Sideswipe stood in the desert, contemplating speeding away across the vast expanse and just disappearing for a while. Hearing a soft footstep, he looked back over his shoulder and caught the silhouette of Smokescreen framed against the backdrop of the Ark’s warm glow. Optics dimming he looked away. “Sorry Smokes’. Not really in the mood tonight. Maybe some other time, yeah?”

“I am sure he would be thrilled at the prospect.”

Sideswipe whirled around at the even softly spoken tenor.

“I am hoping that there will never be another chance,” Prowl added as he moved towards Sideswipe coming into view.

“Prowl, I didn't know it was you, I wasn't going to, I didn't do anything,” Sideswipe replied quickly.

Dimming his optics, Prowl looked down for a moment. “It would not be any of my business if you had.”

Sideswipe frowned and faltered. Did that mean what he thought it meant? He tensed and levelled a flat stare at Prowl. “So you've made a decision then?”

Meeting Sideswipe's hard stare, Prowl stepped forward hesitantly. “I was hoping that you would be willing to, if you still want to that is, if you would try. I mean, things might not be the same and it might not work but I want to, I cannot deny my attraction and I wanted to be sure so I took more time than I should and it was wrong of me but... I was hoping you'd give me a chance?”

Sideswipe raised an optic ridge at the un-Prowl like babble and folded his arms. “You haven't spoken to me in months,” he stated simply.

Prowl flinched and nodded. “I know and I'm sorry, I needed--”

“--and what about what I need?” Sideswipe interrupted. “All of this has been about you. You've had support. I had silence.”

Prowl looked up at him, stricken and unsure what to say. “You don't have to forgive me. I ask too much…”

“No, I don't,” Sideswipe stepped forward into Prowl's space and curled a hand about his arm before the mech could flee, which was starting to look exceedingly likely. “But I'm willing to give you time to let you make it up to me,” he added, his voice softer.

Meeting his gaze, Prowl frowned a little. “How much time do I have?” he asked with a whisper.

Sideswipe’s mouth curved up into a small smile and he cupped Prowl’s face gently. Hesitantly he closed the distance between them and brushed a chaste kiss onto Prowl’s lip components, humming softly into it when Prowl pressed into the affection. Breaking it, he rested his helm against Prowl’s and with a small hopeful smile he murmured, “Forever.”


End file.
